Paradise
by taintedtruffle
Summary: Cartman loves kyle but Ky's going out with Stan. Two years later he discovers Stan's abusive and just about the worst type of human. Can Cartman save his ginger or will his own prejudice and the changes in Kyle's personality be to much for him to handle?
1. 1: Say it

Cartman frowned up at the twenty-story building. Trying to gather up the nerve to go inside.

Why was he even here?

Nothing – no one was worth a hundred plus mile drive especially not that filthy little jew rat.

.

.

.

The brown haired boy was still gazing up at the building lost in thought as dusk sat in, mind lost on the last day he saw the ginger Semite.

"So…" Cartman was walking next to Kyle. "Guess I finally get the joy of seeing you leave, huh fag?"

"Your just as much a fag as me! I mean Butters! Come on dude, that's pretty faggy."

Cartman opened his mouth to say something but closed it. "Ah didn't ask you out heah to fight Kahl."

"Oh?" Kyle pretended to be surprised. "What is it than?"

"We both know what's going on Jew!" They did. Both of them had been dancing around this for year.

"What fat ass? What the fuck do you think is going on?"

They stared at each other, Nazi staring at the Jew, opposites in every respect.

"Kahl… I lo-" Cartman's words where cut off with a punch to the stomach.

"Don't say it!" Kyle screamed, tears brimming in his eyes.

"Why? Cartman screamed, swinging his own fist, connecting with kyle's jaw. "It's true you filthy faggot!"

Kyle kicked Cartman in the arm, spitting blood from a busted lip at him as he screamed to drone out the overweight boys words.

Cartman dropped, swinging his legs and dropping the thin boy to the ground and pinning him to the ground. He captured the red heads lips in his and they kissed, each of them fighting for dominace over the other.

"Oh Kahl." Cartman moaned into his mouth.

Kyle didn't say anything just bucked against the fat tub of lard on top of him, needy kisses drawing Cartmans tong deeper into his mouth.

"Kahl I lov-"

"I don't wanna hear you say it!" Kyle screamed, biting down hard on the Arian's lip. Tears falling now as he flipped so he was on top.

"It- it'll hurt to much Cartman." He whispered, anger calming down even as a river poured over his flushed cheeks "I'm his now. You had your chance; you had your chance every day since we where kids and you fuckin' blew it every turn of the road. I'm leaving in two hours, I'm gone! I'm not gonna fuck up somethin' good for you suddenly realizing what the whole worlds known since we where effin' kids!"

Cartman looked up at the jew, tears of his own falling now.

"Fine." He choked out. "Fine Kahl. I don't wanna ruin it."

"Than what do you want?" He asked softly, sliding off of him into the snow.

"Once?" There eyes met as he said this and Kyle nodded, ignoring the sting as he bit his bleeding lip.

"You can't tell anyone."

"Never."

"Ok." He agreed.

The rest of the memory was a rush of nervousness and pleasure, of two broken harts melting the frigid snow, of falling tears and love shown in every way possible in such a short time except with words.

Eric sighed, finally gathering the courage to get out of his car. They where expecting him hours ago. He swallowed as he headed towards the apartment building.

What was there to be afraid of?

He was half way to the door when he saw them. The two of them came out of the apartment door and Cartman did the only thing he could. He hid.

Neither of them even looked his direction though. Kyle's thin face was focused on the ground, crimson locks hiding the brilliant green Cartman knew was under it.

They where fighting.

The ebony haired boy beside him looked furious, arms waving about animatedly.

Kyle must have said something he didn't like because his hand flew up, whacking him upside the head.

Cartman waited, eager for the fire, the fury he'd been dreaming about for twenty-four month but there was nothing.

The brunet watched in shock. Kyle kept his head down and silently picked up his hat. Something wasn't right. He didn't move just watched the two climb in the car and drive away.

A/N: What'd you think? Continue?

This story was inspired by four songs that happened 2 play back to back and will have 4 chapters, song one is :

"Say it" by blue october

It's all about steam  
It's all about dreams  
It's all about making the best out of everything  
You'll know when your fine  
Cause you'll talk like a mime

You'll fall on your face  
You get back up and you're doing fine  
"a considerate clown, a preachy preachy machine"  
is one of the sweetest things you would say about me  
but I don't have the time for your distorted esteem  
why are you toying with my mind?

I don't wanna hear you say it  
I don't wanna hear you say it  
Now you're messing with my pride

You think you're smarter than me  
Well everyone knows you will never be smarter than me  
That's how it goes  
I gained forty pounds because of you  
Was there an "S" on my chest  
Well I confess, you were too much stress  
I'd have a heart attack at best  
So now I breathe it out, I breathe it out  
I spit it on the crowd cause they lift me up, they lift me up, they lift me up

When I'm feeling down  
What am I spitting out? spitting out, something we never talk about  
It's called my …mind

I don't wanna hear you say it  
I don't wanna hear you say it  
I don't wanna hear you say it  
Now you're messing with my pride

I'm sick of standing in your line  
So now you'll have to take it  
take this to heart  
I will never let you fuck me over  
Stop talking down to me your war is old  
your game is over  
So here's my coldest shoulder

I don't wanna hear you say it  
I don't wanna hear you say it  
I don't wanna hear you say it  
Now you're messing with my pride

Something we don't talk about  
Something we never talk about


	2. 2: Sometime around midnight

Kyle and Stan sat in silence, Kyle dully watching the cars and buildings speed by his window.

The sound of Stan's cell phone going off made him jump, causing the darker haired boy to let out a laugh.

"Answer it." Stan ordered, pulling it out of his pocket and flicking it towards his boy friend with out looking away from the road.

"Hello?" Kyle inquired.

"Kyle!"

"Cartman!" He couldn't help the smile that spread across his pale face, looking out of place on the face reflected back to him in the windowpane. "What do you want?" He asked as he got him self under control.

"I'm running late. Where the fuck am I meeting you guys?"

Kyle rattled of the directions with the detached precision of a directory operator ending with "Is that it or did you need something else?"

"No stupid jew… that's it." He hung up before anything else could be said.

Despite the directions being immaculate, despite the fact he was already in the city, despite the fact that he wanted to see the little red head boy more than anything else he'd ever wanted, or maybe because of it; it was after eleven when he finally set foot in the bar.

It was packed, everyone smiling and talking, drunk and chattering. There was dancing off in one corner and Cartman sighed, sulking off to the far end of the bar, not sure wither he wanted too catch sight of the _lucky couple_ or not.

It was a little after twelve when Cartman caught sight of him for the first time.

Kyle was leaning up against one of the walls, green eyes dull in the neon light.

Cartman couldn't look away. Time seemed to still as the watched his enemy forcing small talk and smiles. He looked good, god did he look good. He was wearing tan dress pants and a crisp white button up shirt. What's more he was wearing glasses and no hat.

Cartman felt himself stand as he watched the crimson strands slide side to side with every small movement.

He didn't know how long he was staring, a minute or two or hours but his heart kicked into hyper drive as Kyle looked up, eyes flashing with life for the first time all night.

His tunnel vision cleared Cartman instantly began taking in every thing at once. The smell of cigarette smoke was suddenly smothering, the lights where boring into his pupils. He gagged at the smell of all the sweaty drunken people, the noise of both the band and the insistent voices suddenly deafening.

He reached in his pocket, hastily throwing down money for his drinks, how many had he had? It doesn't mater right now. Cartman felt nauseous as he rushed into the bathroom, leaning all his weight on the sink as he tried to steady him self.

He shouldn't have done this. Yea, he got to see Kyle again, the boy he'd been dreaming about since who knows when but it was too much. It wasn't worth it. He felt like he was gonna break apart as he tried to steady both his breathing and his mind.

"Hey."

Cartman spun at the voice and there he was.

"He-Hello q-queer." Cartman stammered, taking a deep breath. He realized instantly what a mistake this was as he breathed in his cologne, instantly bringing with it memories of pale, ginger flavored skin, soft moans and blood on once clean snow.

"How are you?" Kyle stepped forward awkwardly, unsure how to behave. Where they friends now or …what? His arms rose slightly, debating weather to hug the wider boy or not.

Cartman made the decision for him, enveloping him in a spine cracking bear hug before letting go abruptly.

The two of them stood awkward.

"You didn't answer me." Kyle's voice was barley a whisper. "How've you been?"

He still didn't answer, instead; "What the hell happened to you?" There was fury in his voice.

Now that he was close enough Cartman could see the swelling around his left eye, a scar that hadn't been there before beside his right eye. His nose was slightly off center and his bottom lip was split. "What the fuck happened Kahl?" He growled.

"N-nothing." He fingered the frames of his glasses nervously. "I- I need these now, when I'm not wearing them I'm clumsy, I trip."

"Bull shit."

Cartman blinked, noticing bruising under his collar. Instantly he reached for it, heart aching as Kyle flinched away.

This wasn't right. Kyle wasn't supposed to be like this. Kyle was hot tempered, smart mouthed and assertive. Kyle was the glaring red head who had been strong enough to top him two years ago, not … Cartman let out a noise of disgust as he yanked back his collar.

A hand print.

"What- why?" He couldn't understand this. Why would Kyle even put up with this? "I'm gonna kill him."

"Cartman-" Kyle started to say something but Cartman cut him off.

"No! Why?" He was furious.

Kyle hung his head, refusing to meet his eyes.

"God! Fuckin' Jew! Fuck!" Cartman screamed, unable to restrain himself. "Jesus Christ! This is what is wrong with you people, you know that! You're a pathetic worthless piece of shit!"

His anger dispersed instantly as he heard some one laughing behind him.

He spun around to find Stan ,four guys peeking through the doorway over his shoulder.

"There you are babe, I was wondering where you'd gotten off to."

Kyle instantly rushed over to him, obligingly wrapping his arms around him.

"I never knew you where Jewish." The man directly on Stan's right said, reaching out, twirling a red lock around his finger.

"Jesus your stupid Luke." Stan rolled his eyes, swatting his friend's hand. "Wasn't the fact he's circumcised a dead giveaway?"

"Like I actually wasted time looking at his cock."

Cartman mouth dropped open at the implications of that statement. They couldn't-Stan wouldn't have- one look at the shame written across the little freckled face said it all.

"How have you been Cartman?" Stan drawled. "Haven't been missing any meals I see. What have you been doing with yourself?"

"Well not group fucking a pasty ass Jew so obviously not the same thing as you." He snapped before he could catch himself.

The entire group in front of him- minus Kyle of course- laughed and Stan smiled, roughly yanking Kyle's face up to meet his lips. "Jealous? You can have a go fat ass."

"In your dreams, I'll leave the fagottrey to you and your friends here."

"So how's football working out for you?" He asked once the laughter died down once again, sizing up his ex-friend as they struck up a conversation. Stan didn't look too much different except for the addition of even more muscles. He still had the same cropped black hair he'd had since middle school. The only exception where his eyes, some how grown cold and angry, not the soft brown of the pussy hippie Stan used to be.

"So you know, congrats and all." He tipped an imaginary glass his direction. Something had to be done. He HAD to get Kyle out of here and, unfortunately he'd have to play nice-nice until he got a chance to do something.

"Thank you." Stan smirked, roughly playing with Kyle's nipples through his shirt.

He hated that. The look on Kyle face made him want to punch Stan's lights out. Instead he smiled. "So are you having a Jewish wedding?" he taunted.

"Naw. Kyle's parents aren't coming so were doin' it my way." His hand slipped forward slipping into his fiancés pants. "We where gonna head home and have some fun. You sure your not in?"

"No." He felt his stomach turn. "Not my thing." He forced his best evil smirk. "Ya'll have fun with the little fag." He ruffled Kyle's hair as he shoved past them, disgust filling his stomach. "I'm gonna stay here and down a few more. Wanna give me a key or something?"

"Don't have extras. Just call my cell. Kyle'll let you in."

Cartman shook his head as he watched them walk away. Stan had turned into a stranget.

It was three a.m. before Cartman hulled himself up, stumbling out of the bar and snatching the G.P.S. out of his car. No way in hell he could drive and he sure didn't know his way.

He followed it blindly through unfamiliar streets, over cracked sidewalks, under streetlights and through deserted ally ways until next thing he knew he was looking up at the same building he had spent his afternoon staring at.

He pulled out his phone, glaring at it for a second before remembering how to work it.

"Hello?" Kyle's voice was thin and frail.

"I'm here. Let me in."

"Ok. It's the fifth floor floor, third door on the right."

"Kyle." Cartman reached out, gently touching his face. It didn't look any worse.

Kyle shrugged. "I'm fine."

"They didn't hurt you to bad did they?" The question felt out of place knowing what Kyle just went through.

"I'm used to it. I'm just a filthy whore anyways."

"Your not a whore!" Cartman snapped, Kyle flinching at his tone. "Stan's a jack ass for doing that to you! Hes- Hes worse than that but I can't think right now." He leaned forward, roughly kissing the whimpering boy. "I wouldn't do this if you where mine." Cartman wisped and Kyle burst into tears.

The nazi pulled him close, rubbing his back and toying with his hair as Kyle cried. "I hate him!" He growled. Kyle wasn't supposed to be like this! Cartman sagged to the ground, dragging him with him, too drunk to stand.

"Leave with me." Cartman whispered.

"I can't."

"Why the fuck not?"

"I- I don't know. I just can't." He hung his head, felling pathetic. He wanted to but some how he couldn't bring himself to say yes.

"You can. We-we'll leave tonight! Come back to South Park with me! I'll I'll keep you safe!"

"No you won't." Kyle said softly, gently steadying his drunk friend. "You'll do the same thing. I'll do something stupid and you'll have no choice but to punish me. I'm a bad boyfriend! I don't like sex and I'm a crybaby! I dropped out off collage, I –"

Cartman silenced him with a kiss. "I love you Kyle. There. I said it. I love you! Come on, we'll drive away-" 

"Your too drunk to drive anywhere." Kyle chuckled lightly, gently catching The brunets hand and leading him to the couch. Just sleep, ok? "

these are the lyrics that fit the first 1/2 of this chapter, the second half was just plot stuff, nothing to do with the song. Please comment if you want it to continue.

And it starts...  
Sometime around midnight  
Or at least that's when  
You lose yourself  
For a minute or two

As you stand...  
Under the barlights  
And the band plays some song  
About forgetting yourself for a while  
And the piano's this melancholy soundcheck  
To her smile  
And that white dress she's wearing  
You haven't seen her  
For a while

But you know...  
That she's watching  
She's laughing, she's turning  
She's holding her tonic like a crux  
The room suddenly spinning  
She walks up and asks how you are  
So you can smell her perfume  
You can see her lying naked in your arms

And so there's a change...  
In your emotions  
And all of these memories come rushing  
Like feral waves to your mind  
Of the curl of your bodies  
Like two perfect circles entwined  
And you feel hopeless, and homeless  
And lost in the haze  
Of the wine

And she leaves...  
With someone you don't know  
But she makes sure you saw her  
She looks right at you and bolts  
As she walks out the door  
Your blood boiling  
Your stomach in ropes  
And when your friends say what is it  
You look like you've seen a ghost

And you walk...  
Under the streetlights  
And you're too drunk to notice  
That everyone is staring at you  
And you so care what you look like  
The world is falling  
Around you

You just have to see her  
You just have to see her  
You just have to see her  
You just have to see her  
You just have to see her

And you know that she'll break you  
In two 

And the piano's this melancholy soundcheck

She's holding her tonic like a crux

And so there's a change...  
In your emotions  
And all of these memories come rushing  
Like feral waves to your mind  
Of the curl of your bodies  
Like two perfect circles entwined  
And you feel hopeless, and homeless  
And lost in the haze  
Of the wine

And she leaves...  
With someone you don't know  
But she makes sure you saw her  
She looks right at you and bolts  
As she walks out the door  
Your blood boiling  
Your stomach in ropes  
And when your friends say what is it  
You look like you've seen a ghost

And you walk...  
Under the streetlights  
And you're too drunk to notice  
That everyone is staring at you  
And you so care what you look like  
The world is falling  
Around you 


	3. 3: Paradise

_ Once upon a year gone by he saw him self give in

Kyle bit his lip, head hung as he watched his fiancé. He hated himself more and more every day. He hated the fact he stayed, hated the fact he put up with him, made excuses for him, hated the fact that part of him still, despite everything, didn't want to leave.

"Have a nice day sweetheart." The words disgusted him even as they slid out.

Yes. There was no doubt in his heart that Stan had loved him but what ever was between them now wasn't love.

Stan was so broken up over Wendy and the way she had treated him and eventually left him he had almost instantly turned controlling and abusive.

Kyle wasn't stupid. He had seen the signs. He had known he was loosing ground, slipping but Stan was his best friend. He couldn't leave him could he?

He wasn't sure if he had ever love him but when Stan came to him with a declaration of love all he could think of was finding him that night. The puddle of blood. The razor still lose in his hand. Kyle had hugged his best friend and kissed him, just hoping to stop that from happening again.

_Every time he closed his eyes he saw what could have been_

Sighing he leaned his tortured body against the closed door, looking at Cartman's sleeping form on the couch. He could have had him and he chose Stan. This was the decision that haunted him those late nights when he sat in the kitchen, ice to a black eye or winding gauze around a burn.

He could have had him.

He loved him, he loved him back. It should have been simple but it wasn't. It wasn't pride or anything other than pure dedication to his friend. What would life have been like with him?

Would he still be a pathetic collage drop out who lays around the house miserable and feeling sorry for him self. Probably.

Of course it would be the same. Cartman was violent and loud. It would be just as bad or worse. This was the thought that always stopped him from leaving. If he would have put up with it for Cartman he could put up with it for Stan.

What should he do?

Kyle sat down at the end of the couch next to the boy's feet, head in his hands.

Now that he'd made the offer it was all he could think about. Sorrow filled him. He couldn't go.

Kenny had tried over and over again an Stan had tracked them down each time , torturing and killing Kenny and than punishing Kyle in the worst ways possible. One day Kenny just didn't come back.

Tears falling and self loathing rising he curled up beside the sleeping blob.

_Well nothing hurts and nothing bleeds with covers tucked in tight. _

Cartman moved slightly, shocked to feel someone against him. He opened his eyes, breaking into a smile as he saw it was Kyle.

He broke into a flat out grin as he pulled the Jews body close to him, mind focused on having this forever as he drifted back to sleep.

"What the fuck do you mean no?" Cartman screamed, not even caring that Kyle was flinching away from him.

"I – I cant- Stan, Stan'll kill you!" He whimpered. "I don't want you hurt!"

"That's what the police are for dumb ass!"

"S-Same sex domestic abuse cases hardly ever make it through court. Most of the time the best they can do is a restraining order."

"I can take him."

"No Cartman. You cant"

"Yes I can now pack your shit and were leaving!" He reached for Kyle, stopping as the boy dropped down, covering his head.

Cartman looked at him. He was a jerk and a racist and the farthest from the soothing person Kyle needed to heal his wounds but he loved him. That was enough right?

"Pleas Kyle." He spoke softly, touching him gently. "Come on. I know I'm horrible but I just want you safe." It felt awkward and just wrong to even attempt to talk to the Jew like that.

"Just drop it Cartman." Kyle whimpered.

"No!" He glared. He was getting him out of here one way or another. Kyle would forgive him eventually. "Go pack now or you take NOTHING!"

Kyle trembled where he stood, every inch of his body conditioned to obey at that tone. "Stan'll-"

"Fuck Stan! Stan is nothing! Just do what I say or I'll punch you so hard in the nuts your pissin' blood till Christmas!"

Cartman felt like the biggest jerk in the world as the tears started to fall, a steady stream falling down his trembling face as he finally hurried to comply.

This wasn't him. This wasn't right. He didn't want this. This wasn't his klye, this wasn't the boy he fell in love with. This was a pathetic mockery of him and he just couldn't deal.

"Please Cartman-"

"Fine." Cartman cut him off sharply. His Kyle didn't cry, didn't beg and sob like a woman! "Fine" He repeated. "I'm out of here. You had your chance. You stay here and get group fucked and get the shit beat out of you. That's what you like right?" He snatched up his GPS and stormed out with out another word.

_Funny when the bottom drops out how he forgets to fight._

He should follow him. He knew he should. For the past two years he'd said he couldn't leave because he didn't have a car, he didn't have money, he didn't have a license, a place to go.

He always had an excuse.

Heart breaking and hating him self more than ever he fell down to the couch. There was nothing but his stupidity keeping him here now.

It was a wonder Cartman had even tried. He was a useless retarded piece of shit anyways.

_To fight._

Cartman screamed, balled fist punching his innocent dashboard, tears seeping from his eyes. What was he doing? Was he really gonna walk out and leave Kyle there to that?

Yes.

He couldn't do it, couldn't be nice and nurturing no mater how much he loved the ginger.

Defeated he drove away from the apartment complex wondering how much he had to drink before he could just wipe it all away.

_and its one more day in paridise,_

"Kyle~" Stan's sing song voice snapped him out of his slumber and he jumped as he felt teeth bite down roughly on his throat.

"Hello Stan" He greeted over the football stars chuckling, robotically bringing his arms up to wrap around his shoulders. Stan let go of his neck, lips hungrily attacking his mouth now, hands unbuttoning his pants.

"Suck."

Kyle obediently dipped his head down, lubricating the member and sighing discontently as the raven haired boy brought his legs up over his shoulders and trust forward.

This was his life.

This was his fault.

He deserved this.

He had the chance to get away; a way to get out and he'd thrown it in his would be saviors face.

He was pathetic and useless. An ugly lump of flesh and this was all he'd ever deserve.

Sighing again he lay back, eyes closing as he rocked with Stan's movements.

"Where's Cartman?" Stan asked as he pulled out, wiping him self the couch cover and pulling up his pants.

The ginger shrugged, not bothering to move. His ass was leaking, his pants where somewhere on the floor and he just didn't care.

He'd just lay here and look like the two cent whore he was.

"Where'd Cartman go?" Stan asked again.

"We had a fight." He brought his balled up fist over his eyes to smother the tears that wanted to fall. He wandered in the silence if Stan was mad about that, shocked he didn't have the immediate instinct to try to placate him. No. He just didn't care anymore.

"What ever. Never liked that fat bitch anyways. What's for dinner."

"Take out. You pick, I'm not hungry."

_one more day in paridise,_

Cartman closed his eyes, locking his lips on the glass bottle. How much would it take to wipe his mind? To make the pain go away?

This was worse than before.

Shure two years ago kyle had left with Stan but this was so different. It was ok thean because it meant Kyle was happy-had a better life.

Now all it meant was his fault. His cowardice. He was afraid to change and unable to accept Kyle had.

_As darkness quickly steals the light that shined within his eyes, he slowly swallows all his fear and soothes his mind with lies_

Cartman sat up, vomiting onto the hotel floor and groggily reaching for something to wash his mouth out with. He found an un-opend bottle of vodka, popped the cap off and downed it in a single breath, a single thought reaching his mind.

Kyle.

Just thinking that one word made his throat burn, made his eyes water and chest ache.

Jew.

Ginger.

What ever you call him Cartman had left him to be tortured and the boy who claimed to love him.

"It's all your fault." He heard him self mumble and shook his head.

"No."

"It is." He was talking to himself but he was to far gone to care. "You left him there."

"I didn't want to leave him, there was nothing I could do!"

"Shure there was." It was so weird. He felt his lips move in argument against him.

"Shut up! There was nothing I could do!"

"Coward."

Shut up."

"Pussy."

"I SAID SHUT UP!" He slammed his head backwards into the wall behind him, hard enough to bring spots before his eyes.

Silence.

There was nothing he could do. He was mean, violent, racist, sexist and ready to hurrel every anti Semitic, derogatory term he could think of at the red head.

No matter what he felt, how much he loved him- god did he love him- he wasn't the right person to heal his heart and it wasn't in him to be nice. He couldn't be patient and gentle. He wasn't going to coddle the red head and lick his wounds.

Sobbing now he reached into one of the umpteen paper bags around him. He had blown every dime he owned on enough liquor to give anyone alcohol poisoning.

_All he wants and all he need are reasons to survive or death in which the sun will take his artificial light_

Kyle closed his eyes once he was alone; tear slipping past those emerald greens and silent sobs shaking his curls.

_His light_

A/n: Um~ I normally don't like songs inter weaved into the story but for some of them (this is paradise by Vanessa carton) that's the only way they work. Please review!


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